Hurricane Alex

I love this picture.  It captures the personality, energy, and full motion that is Alex David Lawhorn.  I remember way back when Brady was one.  We looked into that crystal ball of ours and used what we thought was pretty solid logic:  If it took two years to get pregnant with Brady then we better start trying now for a second child and that should put us on pace to have #2 when Brady was about 3 or 4.  By then we would be pro's in this parenting "thing", right?  Well two months later we were dealing with morning sickness and getting the house ready for another little one.  Didn't I say earlier that God likes to teach us that we are on his schedule and not the other way around?  Maybe one day we will realize that is the truth :)

It was during Emily's pregnancy with Alex that we made the bold decision to pack up and move to Nashville to take advantage of an opportunity to take another position with Blue Bell that had just opened up.  We prayed and prayed and finally decided that it was the right move for us as a family.  It was very exciting to think of starting fresh in a new area, but for some strange reason, our parents did not share in that excitement as much as we did when we told them the news.  I am pretty sure we will have our turn to go through that one day, too.  

This was a tough time for us.  Pregnant in a two bedroom Nashville apartment with a one year old while waiting for our house to be built was not exactly how Emily thought she would be spending 2006.  It was at this time that Brady had his foot surgery so it made the living arrangements even more "challenging".  We got by, though, as a family.  It is special when you realize you are on your own without the luxury of calling your parents to help out with the kids.  Not special in a good way, all the time, but special in the way of being on the same page and realizing that we would need to depend on each other to get by.  There were some very trying nights during the first two years here, but it allowed us to develop a deeper faith in both God and each other.  This is something I would not trade for anything.

Now, if we thought the apartment was a challenge with the three of us, we had no idea how it would be to bring a newborn home to an apartment with neighbors above, below, left and right of us.  Those walls were fairly soundproof, but even they were no match for Alex when he got hungry.  That squeaky little voice demanded attention and we did our best to give it to him.  It amazed me how quickly we forgot some little tricks we used with Brady.  We would struggle through feedings, teething, etc and then a couple of weeks into it finally remember how we took care of the situation with Brady.  Poor Alex could have saved a few vocal cords if we would have taken better notes.  Who knew we needed to treat parenting like a Humanities class? 

The first thing that somebody usually notices about Alex is his eyes and animated facial expressions.  He has always had energy just exploding out of his face and I hope he always does.  He is almost 5 now which is ridiculously hard to believe.  It seems he has always been here, yet at the same time I am not ready for him to become a "big boy".  He is as fast as a lightning bolt and at times can cause the same amount of damage.  Even during his "excitement" phases, you can still hear him following in Brady's footsteps of being courteous and caring about others, always willing to help and check on his friends.  He is a wonderful little friend to me and I praise God for evidently thinking that Emily and I were going to struggle as parents so he gave us two kids that had a lot of "good" already built into them.  

One recent example of Alex at his finest... We were spending our first big family vacation at Disney World and the boys signed up for the "Jedi Training" class.  During this class, Storm Troopers come running out and Darth Vader appears and wants to challenge the kids to a light saber dual.  Alex was not sure what to think of this and I was smiling as I watched him eyeball Vader from the group of kids awaiting his turn to fight.  He was very serious and it was at that point that I began to fear for Vader's life (or at least based on the height disparity I was hoping that old Vader had invested in another piece of protective equipment commonly used in baseball).  When Alex walked up to his spot to take him on, Darth Vader told him that he should join him on the "Dark Side".  The instructor asked Alex what he should say and Alex replied, "Noooooo!".  She told him to say it again, and with an intensity that is all Alex, he shouted, "NOOOOOOOOOO!" and the dual was on!  Later that night on the bus ride back to the hotel, I asked him if he was scared to fight Darth Vader.  Alex looked down and said he was, but then looked up into my eyes and said, "but I knew I would be okay because I had God on my side".  They say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth but I have to tell you that on that night, that single, dark bus was the happiest place on Earth to me.  

I love you Alex - don't ever lose your personality or energy - it makes you who you are and that is very special.  

Please pray for me

I am taking a break from my plan of getting my kids up to speed on how we got to our current "place in time" to write about a powerful, yet awkward experience I had at church today.  There have been times in my life where I felt compelled to go forward after the sermon to ask for prayers, but today I really should have - I just didn't have the courage.

For a while now, our preacher has been delivering great lessons on the need for us to step out and move forward in order to do things we have never done before, including coming up with ways to grow the church and be a dynamic force in our community.  During the lesson this morning, the words to the song, Voice of Truth, kept playing over and over in my head.  This song is centered on the internal struggle to finally do what you know you are supposed to do, and the regret for not doing that deed.  The song is obviously playing on this page, but if you have never heard it, the first verse and chorus go like this:

Oh, what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes 
To climb out of this boat I'm in 
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown 
Where Jesus is, 
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name 
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times 
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me 
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win, 
You you'll never win

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

What always strikes me when I hear that first verse is this:  There were several great men in that boat that night, yet only one had the courage and faith to actually get out of that boat.  I picture the others watching in fear and envy as Peter swung that first leg over the edge.  I also am pretty certain that for the rest of their lives that night bothered them for the fact that they themselves did not have the faith to run to Jesus in the face of the storms and uncertainty.

Why do we struggle to do what we know we need to do and are called to do?  I got to a point today where it was just weighing on me too much and I had to discuss it at our small group tonight.  I had to relay the frustration, with emotion, that I have with myself for still not doing what I know I need to do or for doing what I know I shouldn't do.  What am I waiting for - someone else to do it?  It is time to stop just going through the motions and treading water.  It is time to step up and make something happen.  If I don't, I will realize one day that I let it all pass with no time to make up for it.  It comes down to a simple question of "Do you really believe?"  If the answer is yes (and believe me, it is!), then act on it - don't just sit around playing church.  It is time to BE the church.   Jesus is there, waiting - still waiting.

When I think of this issue, I always look back to when we made the big decision to leave our family in Oklahoma to move out to Tennessee in 2006.  For the first year, it was extremely tough being out here by ourselves.  We questioned our decision multiple times and came close to throwing it all away to move back home.  Even though we talked about that, I worried that if we made that move it would ultimately hurt our marriage in the long run by having some level of resentment for tossing aside a great job, etc. because we could not cope with the move.

After we had been here a year, we began going to Kingwood Church of Christ in Murfreesboro.  This church reminded us of the church home we had back in Broken Arrow (lots of young families and room for growth).  Everyone we met was very genuine and welcoming.  We began, rather quickly, to feel at home at this congregation and it was at that point that our experience in Tennessee began to make a turn for the better.  I still credit the church for possibly saving our family with this situation.  Let me say that again - I believe the Kingwood church saved our family.  The funny thing is, they didn't even know they were doing it.  They were just being themselves.  Imagine what we could do as a church if we actually knew what we wanted to do.  If we put it in our minds to get off the pews and make a difference we could be exactly what God is waiting for us to be.  There are people out there waiting for us to be just that.

Listen to the message of that song - It is time to have that faith it takes to get out of the boat.  No more internal battles of knowing what should be done but waiting around on someone else to take charge.  I don't want to regret not having the strength to stand.  It is too important to this short time on Earth God has blessed me with and for my children to learn from.  I am ready to stand now.  If you are reading this, please pray for me to follow through and finally take those steps that God is waiting for me to take.  I need this to become the man that God, Emily, and my children need me to be.

I am a Boy. I like to run. My name is Brady.

Brady drew this on his “Doodle Pad” a little while back and it made me smile.  It took me back to February 10, 2005; the day we had been praying about for years.  We had gone in for Emily’s 37 week check-up the day before, only to be told that we would be checking into the hospital that night due to a high blood-pressure reading.  Evidently, we were setting an appointment to have a baby – now that is the way we do things around here J

A little background on Emily’s doctor…  Emily had been seeing a doctor that she really liked but due to a change with our insurance we had to seek out a replacement.  I wish we would have looked a little harder.  The new doctor was extremely tough on Emily during the pregnancy when Emily would gain more weight than the doctor thought was allowable.  Later, when Emily was pregnant with Alex, it was discovered that she had Gestational Diabetes and had to adhere to a strict diet.  I contend that this doctor missed the diagnosis on Emily for this first pregnancy but I guess that is beside the point. 

The doctor simply had no compassion for the patient and we would find out later had absolutely no bedside manner either.  I didn’t really care for her from the first time I met her.  Due to her facial profile and hairstyle, she always reminded me of Big Bird.  I know that is not nice to say, and it reminds me of a line that Larry the Cable Guy uses when he tells a joke that is in poor taste.  He says a little prayer that goes like this, “Lord, forgive me for saying that, and please be with the starving pigmies in New Guinea.”  For some weird reason, that always makes me laugh. 

We checked into the hospital and got all settled in to our room.  As nice as a hospital room can be, I can never get comfortable because of the simple fact that at some  point in time there has been a massive amount of bodily fluids sprayed all over that place.  The nurse showed me the “bed” I would get to use that night.  It was actually a chair, and it was extremely uncomforta….. wait, teaching moment:  Brady and Alex, when you read this I need you to pick up on the fact that your dad is teetering on the ledge of looking like an insanely ridiculous jerk.  After what I saw your mom go through having the two of you and your sister, I guess sleeping on a “bedair” isn’t so bad.  (between you and me, though – it was horrible).

The waiting game lasted until the middle of the next morning when Big Bird and the nurses came in to tell us it was “that time”.  Here we go – the moment we had been waiting for.  We had decided not to find out ahead of time if we were having a boy or a girl so we could enjoy that surprise when the doctor announces, “Congratulations, it’s a _____!”   We didn’t exactly get that moment from Big Bird.  Here is what we got after the endurance and pushing to finally meet our baby:  “Well, it’s a boy and he has a club foot”.  Ok – I know she said a boy but I am not sure what that last part meant but we were having a boy!  It was incredible to see him get placed in Emily’s arms.  This was our new little guy and we were complete.  Brady Clay was here and the world was getting a wonderful addition added to it.

The next morning, our Pediatrician came for a visit to our room and explained the club foot situation.  Brady’s right foot was turned in at a complete 90 degree angle.  We were scheduled to see an Orthopedic specialist in two days to see what was needed to be done to correct it.  With all the complications that could come at childbirth, this was pretty minor, but again, this is our son and the obvious concerns crept into my mind:  Will he be in pain, will he be able to run and play with other kids, can he play sports, etc.  We met with the specialist and the plan was made to attempt a series of castings to try and stretch it out to allow it to self-correct. 

Brady got his first cast at 4 days old.  We proceeded to go through the ritual of putting on a cast and cutting it off 1-2 weeks later (due to the rapid growth at that age).  Brady hated getting hair cuts during the first couple of years because the clippers sounded like the saw that was used to cut off his casts.  His little face would turn so red while he cried during the straightening of his foot while the casts were applied.  We went through this for a year and a half with very little success. 

During this time, we moved to Nashville.  We saw a new doctor at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital who finally recommended surgery.  This was great news to us since now we felt we were actually taking action to correct the problem head-on.  Brady’s ligaments were lengthened  to allow for growth and the straightening of his foot.  A full leg cast was then applied to be worn for 6 weeks.  During this six week period, Alex was to be born.  We were praying they got off to a good start together or Brady had himself a built-in weapon on that leg that little Alex would not be able to use any baby Matrix moves to avoid impact.  Brady actually learned to walk with that cast on.  It was sweet, yet sad at the same time to see our little peg-leg pirate walking around with the natural limp that the cast caused.  We had concerns that walking like that would cause some hip problems but we couldn’t keep him down and, to be honest, we didn’t want to.

Obviously, we were extremely relieved to finally get that cast cut off and see our little dude’s “new foot”.  In the months that followed, Brady showed great improvement in his balance and ability to walk, run, and play.  Jumping took quite a bit of time as he adjusted to getting strength and confidence in that right leg, but he eventually got it.  Since he went through the majority of the first two years of his life in a cast, he did always seem to be a little hesitant to try anything new, but this slowly got better as well over time.  I don’t know if his personality was shaped from this experience or not, but Brady is one of the most thoughtful and kind little guys that I know of.  I realize I am his dad, and to say this probably sounds a little slanted, but slanted or not, it is the truth.   He represents our family well and I am more proud of him than he will ever know.

I really don’t know if he remembers much about the experience.  He never really asks about it except for when he mentions his scar.  Watching him run and play soccer makes me smile and gives me the occasional flashback to those two years and how far he has come.  It also makes me thankful to God for allowing him to be born in a day and time where a club foot can be corrected.  Our family has been taken care of far beyond what we “deserve”.  This brings me back to what he wrote on that Doodle Pad (or “draw” as we call it).  His little hand scrawled out the following inscription while his eyes focused on the task with his tongue sticking out in full-blown 6 year old concentration:   “I am a boy.  I like to run.  My name is Brady.” That is how he should have been announced to the world.  This is me doing my part to make that happen :)

Oh, and by the way, a message to that pitiful doctor that made my wife’s first pregnancy a little less enjoyable than it should have been:  “Doc, my boy can run and I am fairly confident that you still look like Big Bird.”  Lord I apologize for saying that, and please be with those pigmies in New Guinea.

Only God Knows Why

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."  Proverbs 19:21

I'm having a hard time figuring out how to dive into this post.  I wouldn't say I have been dreading writing about this, but there is a very personal theme here, so having anxiety might be a better way to put it.  The reason I feel it is important to include this in the blog is to discuss the lesson that God taught us while we went through this struggle. I also want my children to understand the depth of our love for them and what we experienced while trying to add them to our family.  Here goes...

It was at some point in 2003 that we decided we were ready (as far as we knew) to start building this marriage into a family.  It is very important to note that both Emily and I are what  you would consider "Type A" personalities.  I am not too sure what that means so I think I will go build a spreadsheet to analyze and contrast the positives and negatives to what it could mean.  Basically, we were planners.  This was not left out of the process when we decided to start having kids.  We assumed that once we started trying to get pregnant then we would be blessed with a little Emily or Jimmy exactly 40 weeks later.  I think God decided to sit in on that meeting and He realized it was time to teach us a very valuable lesson as to who is the one in control of our lives.  We were in the middle of his classroom and had no idea.

The first month came and we rushed out to Drug Warehouse to buy an EPT.  Negative?  Really?  Okay, no big deal - I am sure it was a little too bold to assume it would happen that first month.  Month two goes by.  Month three.  Month four.  Month 10, etc.  This was way out of bounds for us.  What was happening?  Was something wrong?  Would we ever be able to have kids?  For the many, many couples who have gone through this, they can attest that it is one of the biggest mind jammers that you can have.  The future you have planned of a big, happy family is in limbo.  Lots of time spent talking, thinking, and month after month of disappointment would be a major part of this time period.

After a year we decided it was time to make an appointment with a specialist to see what our options were.  We were going to have children one way or the other, no matter what.  We visited with the doctor and according to her, there was not a reason why we should not be able to conceive naturally.  Great news, but still no definite plan --- this was not fitting in with how we operate in the marriage.  Now we know several people that had to wait much, much longer that we did to have children, but this was our story and we were not taking it well.  When you get to that point with a "project" right before you decide to give up, you typically are much more open to radical ideas.  We decided it was time to stop thinking about it and just let go.  We took that burden off of our backs and finally gave it over to God to be in control of.  It was at this point that we bought the Jeep from E-Bay.  We had to do something to get our minds off of this trial.  I think that might have made God smile.  Maybe we were starting to "get it".

A few months after we returned from New York with the Jeep, and our minds off of our goal (for the most part), we decided to run up to Dollar General (after buying so many tests, you end up going the cheap route) and buy another test since the calender suggested it might be a good idea.  What a day that was.  During these test, I would always stand outside of the bathroom while Emily was "doing her thing" so I could be there to see the results with her.  The seconds ticked by as a very faint line appeared that we had never seen before.  Our eyes followed this sequence:  The test / each other's eyes / the test / the test / the test.  If I remember correctly, this happened on a Saturday.  We would have to wait until Monday to go to the doctor for confirmation.  Just one more shot at us, huh?  That was okay - in our minds everything was about to change for the better.  "Our" plan was taking shape, finally.

There are not many walks back to the car that I remember in my life, but I definitely remember that walk after the nurse confirmed that Emily was pregnant and gave us the anticipated due date.  The walk was emotional, yet quiet until we got in the car and shut the doors.  We looked at each other and the tears started to come when we uttered the words, "We are really going to have a baby".  WOW - after a year and a half this was actually happening!

We did a good job of only telling a handful of friends and family early on.  We would be thankful for this a few short weeks later.  Emily was 7 weeks along when I received a phone call from her while I was at work.  Through an obviously shaken voice, she told me that she was on her way home from teaching because she noticed that things were happening that should not have been.  I met her at home and we quickly drove to the ultrasound technician's office.  After a brief nerve-filled half-hour in the waiting room, we were escorted back to a room where Emily put on a gown to be examined.  As the tech moved the mechanism over Emily's stomach, we both sat there in silence hoping against what we feared.  Then she said it - "I can't find a heartbeat".  Just like that.  This set off a silent rage inside my head:  There is no heartbeat?  No!  We are not going to have a baby?  Why?  Silence.  This is when I looked up at Emily and saw the disappointment in her face and her eyes beginning to have moisture meet them.  The tech left the room for Emily to change.  We embraced and at that moment, my thoughts and concerns shifted to her.  How would she handle this?  What would this mean for the future.  If you haven't picked up on it yet, there were a lot of emotions and questions from this day - by far the worst day of our lives.

After we got home, Emily laid on the couch saying she needed to take a nap and I told her I would run up to Wal-Mart to get some things that we would need during the recovery process.  Truth is, we both just needed some time alone to process the events of the day in our own way.  On the way, I called my sister to tell her the news.  I could only make it through one sentence:  "We lost it"  I had to hang up and pull over on the street that I had driven so many times in my life.  I cried on the shoulder of that road and prayed to understand why we had to go through this. 

The day kept getting more surreal.  At Wal-Mart I had to leave my cart in the aisle and get out of there.  Every person I passed with kids stole my attention and added to my feeling of being lost in the situation.  How did they deserve children and not me?  This taught me a lesson in itself:  We have NO IDEA what that person we encounter in any random situation is going through.  I try to think about that day if I get frustrated while driving behind someone or waiting on someone to get their stuff together in a store.  Why do I think I am so much more important than they are?  What struggle are they battling that has caused them to lose their attention to the task at hand?  My selfish nature needs to simply "chill out" sometimes.

Now, when you think of those musicians who produce music that reaches straight into your heart, I think it is obvious that there is one name that jumps to the top of that list in most people's minds: That's right - I'm talking about Kid Rock. Just hang in there and I promise it will make sense...  On the drive back home, I turned on the radio as a forgettable song was ending to be followed by the hit of that time for an artist that is known more for, well, let's just say he ain't singing in any choir on Sundays.  Kid Rock's "Only God Knows Why" started playing through my speakers and landed right in my heart.  That same question we had been asking all day crept back into my brain, "Why?"  We thought (key word) that we had been doing everything we were supposed to do.  Again - why?  Well, according to Mr. Rock's song it is only God who knows why.  More tears and then a revelation that we had to go with this.  It was the only way to make sense of what was happening.  God had to have a plan or a reason.  Our only option was to put our hope, disappointment, and belief into his care.  We had to believe.  We still believe.

After you deal with something so personal as a miscarriage, your eyes become open to a multitude of other people that have gone through the same experience.  It is something that is generally not talked about in your run of the mill conversation, but I personally was amazed at the number of people that told us they had endured the same thing.  Most of them went through it more than once.  This does not make your own experience easier, but it does help you realize you are not alone and allows you to see how their situation turned out to build on your hope and faith that God would provide.  I hope this does not come across sounding like I think God made us go through this to simply teach us a lesson.  I do not believe that is his style.  We will never really know why this happened to us, and we are now okay with that.  Through turning over our situation to God on this matter, He helped us take away one positive.  We were able to get pregnant.  Now there was something we could build on.  A year and a half later, Brady Clay Lawhorn was a part of our family.

One last thing that I feel is worth adding:  I read a book a few months back called "Heaven is Real".  The best selling book is supposed to be a true story and follows the events of a young boy who, while undergoing surgery, experienced heaven and talked to God.  The reason it became a book instead of an eyebrow raising party story is that a couple of months after the operation he was able to tell his parents things that there is no way he should have known like what they were doing in the waiting room during his surgery, what his late grandfather he had never met looked like, etc.  The thing that caught my attention was when they discussed him meeting his sister in heaven.  His sister was actually miscarried yet the boy was never told that.  The boy's parents took that to mean that there was a real chance that they would finally get to meet that child in heaven one day.

 To anyone who has gone through this experience, that will make you re-think some things.  Will we one day meet that little one and the one from a later miscarriage we had when we get to heaven?  Will Brady, Alex, and Katelynn (who are here because of the perfect timing of when they were born) one day meet two more siblings?  Who knows?  I could tell you who does, but I am guessing you already know :)

Just a couple of D.I.N.K.S

Our senior year flew by as newlyweds.  I was hired by Blue Bell between semesters and since I knew my job was awaiting me, that second semester was massively stress free!  Emily would have to interview for a math teaching position, but we were not too worried about that.  We ended our college careers on a high note as we attended graduation together and walked the stage one after the other.  It was very cool to be waiting in Gallagher-Iba Arena (the "rowdiest arena in the nation" - or at least it was before we started to stink at basketball) in the middle of a portion of the graduating class while sitting next to your wife.  I probably don't think back to that time as often as I should since we helped each other reach that milestone together for three of the four years.  It was no big deal that I did not go to OSU my freshman year, I mean, all I missed was the basketball team going to the Final Four.  What the heck???  Just kidding there in case my parents (AKA College Financial Backers) ever read this :)  I really can't say enough how thankful I am to have had parents that put me through college, so one year of Junior College was the right move.  I am pretty sure in 12 years I will be even more appreciative of this.  There, that should smooth things over :)

Our first few years after college seem like a long, long, time ago.  I loved my job at Blue Bell and Emily was enjoying working as a middle school math teacher in the school system that I grew up in.  A few years into her teaching, she had an opportunity to be an assistant coach for the varsity girls basketball team.  (Side note to my kids - If you ever get an opportunity to be fortunate enough to be asked to be involved in any type of organization where you can help shape kids, do it.)  The best part of coaching was getting to know the head coach, Dean Pierce and his lovely wife Claudia.  Watching how they carried themselves and loved each other was a huge influence in our lives and we are thankful to have been able to share that experience with them.  

Here is a shocker - I was never a fan of watching any girls sports, but attending these games and getting to know the team was a blast.  The girls were all different in their own ways, but a bond was formed during those years that probably affected the coaches more than the girls.  I was extremely proud of Emily for stepping up the the challenge on this.  I believe her role was best on display during the Tournament of Champions in Tulsa, which was played at the ORU Mabee Center and was televised in the Tulsa area.  I was sitting a few rows back from the team during a timeout of the game taking a drink of whatever watered down soda I had bought at the concession stand when I looked up to see what they were showing on the Jumbo Tron.  All of a sudden the camera panned to the team's huddle and there was a close-up of my sweet little wife with her finger in the face of a couple of the players (I don't remember who right now but I have a pretty good guess) and she was absolutely lighting them up.  I was never more proud, or frightened :)

It was around this time that one of Emily's uncles used the term DINKS to describe us.  I had never heard of this term but no fear, it was explained to me rather quickly with the definition of "Dual Income, No Kids".  It fit rather well.  During those years before kids, in my opinion, we managed our time together very well, but made several "what were we thinking" mistakes.  I'm not going to say we bought a vacuum from a door to door salesman, but we bought a vacuum from a door to door salesman (head down in shame).  We were however able to continue to get to know each other and connect at an even deeper level than before, which I believe helped us out later on when we did finally move into that next stage in our lives.  We had a lot of fun, too.  One time we decided we wanted to buy a Jeep Wrangler so we got on E-Bay and bought one that night out of New York City.  We were crazy nervous when we hit that "bid now" button but I will never forget the look on her face when we realized we bought it.  We flew to NYC, picked up the Jeep, when to opening day at Yankees Stadium, stopped in Atlantic City, and drove all the way back to Oklahoma.  I miss that Jeep every summer since then.  

Those were the kinds of things we would do as a "team" and we loved it.  We were able to go on other fun trips/ adventures together and we even used to go to a place that they used to have called a movie theater.  I hear rumors that some towns still have these but I have not seen one in quite a while so I think they must have gone away around the same time that "restaurants" disappeared.  

Like I said, this was an incredible time in our lives, but after 5 years we decided that we were ready to proceed with that next "natural" step in our married lives.  We just had no idea how long that step was going to take...  

Big Sunday, Bigger Handshake

August 20, 1995
So there I was, all by myself in a new town, new school, and embarking on a new chapter of my life in Stillwater, OK.  One day after moving into my dorm room at Oklahoma State University for my Sophmore year, I sat in the parking lot of Stillwater Church of Christ wondering what this first Sunday in Stillwater would bring to my life.  I had no idea...

The first Sunday of each school year is referred to as "Big Sunday" and is a celebration of the students returning to town for college.  Because of this, instead of the usual class for college students taking place in the seperate "University Center" building we had a large combined class in the auditorium.  I walked in and met a few people and then took my place in the back half of the pews.  During class, I noticed a stunning head of hair (give me a break, I could only see the back of her head at this point) sitting a few rows in front of me.  I kept watching her throughout the class and noticed at one point when the preacher mentioned that he knew we would all soon be busy studying for class, she gave a sly smirk to her friend next to her and I thought, "Oh no, she's a party girl"  Emily a party girl -- wow I still have to laugh at that one.

After church, there was a group standing around talking and I noticed she was there also.  Of course, I had to enter that circle.  As I shook her soft, smooth hand and we introduced ourselves, I could not think of anything other than how amazingly her eyes sparkled when she smiled.  Unfortunately, this also included not paying attention to what she said her name was.  This came back to haunt me later that day when she and her roommate met me to take me on a tour of the campus.  I had to ask her what her name was again.  What a doofus, I know.  She still brings that epic, suave move up every once and a while.

From that day on, we were always together.  We experienced what I still consider to be the most exponential years of maturity and spiritual growth together.  What an amazing group of people we had around us at the University Center.  It was a time of fun, learning, bonding, and growth and we had the best group around to share that with.  We were all at a state university with nobody telling us what we needed to do, but we gravitated towards each other and helped push each other and build foundations of faith that would shape how we would live our lives, and manage our families, in the future.

We got married during the summer between our Junior and Senior year.  I still remember how nervous I felt that day while waiting in the back of the church for the preacher to tell us it was time to walk out and take our places.  Everyone so kindly confirmed how nervous I looked, but the real reason I looked that way was because when I walked to my place on the stage, I looked at the front row and saw both of my parents with tears in their eyes.  I had to look around at anything else in that church besides them.  I began shifting my eyes and head around looking like a human bobble head, and then my eyes found her.  I could see her through the window in the back doors standing with her father.  She smiled at me and I knew that this was about to change everything.  She walked down the aisle, I took her hand, I swatted at a fly in her hair, we exchanged vows, and then we became husband and wife, then we smooched.

A wife of faith is an enormous blessing to your marriage.  By sharing the love, courage, and obedience to God together, you can get through anything that comes your way in life.   This is not to say that you both won't struggle in your walk or get into arguments, it is just that it is easier to get out of those arguments when you know what the actual tie is that binds you.  That common denominator in your marriage is the key.  One of our favorite Bible versus is Ecclesiastes 4:9 "Two are better than one... If either of them falls, the other will be there to lift them up".

Asking Emily to be my wife was by far the best decision I have ever made in my life.  The second best decision was to include that last sentence ;)

And away we go...

This blog was an idea that I had a few months back that, like several good intentions, kept getting pushed off due to the inherent distractions that come from living in 2011.  Recently, one of our friends, Caren Davis, from church started a blog and I decided to dive in and finally proceed down this path of mediocre english students attempting to look like a professional journalist in the day and age where you literally can be anyone you want, or at least pretend to be one on the internet.  Thank you Caren for pushing me over that ledge.  All that it could cost me is my reputation and anyone who stumbles upon it to take a stab at how low my IQ really might be.

A quick summary of my life:
My wife, Emily, and I have been married for (oh crap - I hope this is right) 14 years as of this August.  We have three wonderful children and live just outside of Nashville, TN after moving here in 2006 with Blue Bell Creameries.  I love my God, my family, my church home, and my job.  Wow, that only took three sentences?  I am going to have to go deeper...

The reason for the blog?  Like previously mentioned, I have three extremely amazing kids that I live for each day.  Brady is 6, Alex is 4, and Katelynn is 2.  I want to give them an opportunity to one day have something in concrete form that will allow them to know more about who their dad really is and what floats around in my brain when traveling through our daily struggles, love, and laughter.  Think of it as a "behind the scenes" of our parenting experience.  This is probably why we will attempt to shield them from computers until they are 18 so I don't screw up and give up all our secrets, although I am sure there will be enough challenges at that time to occupy our time.  I also want them to know that there is a purpose for them and that I believe that God has placed them on this Earth for a very important and specific reason.  The funny thing is that we may go through our lives without ever knowing what that reason was, but every life you touch can have an exponential impact down the line.  I am not even sure of mine yet, but I hope that through writing this I can have a better, more clear understanding of what that might be so I don't let those opportunities slip by.  I think it is important to understand that we don't, and probably never will, have things "all figured out" and that is okay.

The reason for the title?  This one was pretty easy.  While Emily was in Chicago on a business trip the last four days, I was driving the kids out to a drive-in movie on Friday night.  (Sidebar:  If you are going to show "Cars 2" at the drive-in, make sure it is the FIRST movie you show and not the second!  Why would anyone have to suffer the "Zookeeper" at any point in their lives, but especially while waiting until it is finally over, 11:00 pm, for three little ones to watch the movie they came to see????)  Okay, I'm back.  Man this thing really is therapeudic!  Okay, where was I, oh yeah, the reason for the title.  I had kind of a cool moment while stopped at a red light.  I looked in the rearview mirror like I do several times to make sure nobody is pinching, pulling, hitting, or spitting (yes, sometimes Emily rides in the back) and while staring at my three children it hit me as funny that while looking through a rear-view mirror, I was actually seeing the future of our family.  I am excited to see how that future unfolds and am anxious to begin documenting that adventure for us to read as time goes on.

I think the best approach to catch up on where we are is to look back at what got us here (see, the title works in so many ways!).  My plan is to recap how we got to our current state of life first and then take it from there for as long as I can continue to stay motivated.  If I continue to think of the view from that rear-view mirror, then the motivation should come rather easily.